The Way to a Man's Heart
by EnjolrasApollo
Summary: The Avengers attempt to make a joke with Natasha and Bucky and end up in a perpetual state of confusion, fear, and genuine concern.


The Way to a Man's Heart

EnjolrasApollo

Summary: The Avengers attempt to make a joke with Natasha and Bucky and end up in a perpetual state of confusion, fear, and genuine concern.

It is a sunny Sunday morning in Avengers tower with all our favorite heroes sitting around the table for a nice breakfast. There were pancakes, toast, eggs, and enough orange juice for everyone. Sam, Vision, and Wanda had spent a considerable amount of time in the kitchen, even going so far as to wake up two hours earlier than everyone else just to make sure everything was ready.

"You guys really outdid yourselves today. You guys go! You go Glen Coco," Clint said as he impatiently stared at the meal in front of them. Most everyone laughed at the reference, even Steve.

"I understood that reference," He said with a smile. "But really guys, thank you. It is hard to get in a good meal when we are out saving the world and back in the army our rations were…limited to say the least."

"Yeah yeah don't start with the whole 'back in my day' bit gramps," Tony said earning a generous laugh from the table. "Do we need to say grace, or can we just get started? I don't trust the world to take care of itself for one day and we should take advantage of the downtime we have."

Everyone took that as their que to eat and for a while there were only the sounds of silverware clacking on plates and the occasional moan of appreciation.

"Damn you guys actually did a really good job," Scott said with a mouth full of food.

"Yeah they sure know the way to a man's heart right Buck?" Steve said with a smile as he looked to his friend. Bucky looked a bit confused.

"Through the fourth and fifth ribs." He said not quite clear on what that had to do with breakfast. This response quieted the table and Natasha took that as sign to save the situation.

"Yasha, not everybody thinks of it like that. Some people prefer to go from the back you know?" She said. This only proved to bring more confusion and concern to everyone's faces. Sam couldn't tell if this was real or if this was the two assassins' way of making a joke. He was about to explain what Steve meant when Bucky spoke up again.

"Well yeah you could go through the back. But it is way easier to go through the ribs in the front. Otherwise you have a lot more muscle and bone to get through. Not to mention the fact that the scapula tends to be more prone to genetic variation than the ribs are."

"You are not wrong Yasha." Natasha said. She noticed everyone was looking a bit confused. "What he means is that the ribs are typically the same with everyone. No matter the size of the person, everything is usually in the same place from the front. But in the back, there could be a lot of muscle and fat in the way or their scapula could be a bit more hooked than others' and that can make it difficult to reach the heart." She said gesturing with her knife as she spoke.

"Um. I think you guys are getting the wrong idea," Wanda said cautiously.

"Yeah, I meant that it is through the stomach," Steve said hoping that this was just a moment of confusion for his friend.

Bucky looked at Natasha as if the answer to this was obvious. "Well yeah through the stomach is the best way if that is what you are aiming for."

"And the stomach is behind the ribs as well so… yeah. The point is moot. The best way to the heart is through the ribs and if you want to hit the stomach also then you can go the same way," She replied nodding at her former mentor.

Tony sighed in exasperation. "Guys. Please tell me you are joking. He means food. He is talking about food."

Natasha and Bucky both looked at each other as realization dawned on them.

"Ohhhhhhhh….." They both said simultaneously as they nodded in understanding. Turning to look back at Steve and with a smile on both of their faces, they replied together,

"Poison."

Author's Note: Really couldn't get this joke out of my head. Had to have my favorite assassins give the team a scare. Let me know what you think! 😊

-EnjolrasApollo


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